Over the past several weeks I have all the sudden felt this over powering sense of love, happiness and life fufillment, not sure what it is but I am loving it. Don't get me wrong I have always felt loved and loved all who I consider close in my life but to feel all 3 of those emotions at once well it's just never seemed to happen mostly I have never felt so content to where I am in life. I have been quite emotional lately and I feel all this has to be why.
No I don't have that big house with the pickett fence nor do I have the career that I have always wanted but my life seems full right now and I will take that over anything at this moment. I have plenty to feel thankful about, my mom who is the rock, the strength and honestly without her I would feel lost. She seriously doesn't know what she means to us kids, I was listening to the Lauren Alaina song, "Like my mother does", bawled like a freakin' baby she has done that and so much more, I am the person that I am today because God blessed me with such an awesome woman that I call Mom.
Then there is Tim, we have been through the ringer and yet as of today I feel like we are as strong as two people can be. He is the father to my son and honestly I couldn't ask for Bryson to have a better father than him. He has found himself again and I am so very proud of him and well he has put up with me for this long, I call that a keeper.
My sister Jamie, ohhh how I miss that crazy girl but I am oh so happy for her venturing out starting the life that she so deserves to have. She definatley is Makin' plans and I am proud of her, she has changed so much and it's crazy to see her be married and deal with the real life, she can be a spitfire but it wouldn't be her if she wasn't I mean she is the redhead and all!!
My little bro Dan, I was there the day he was born he was my "1st son", I mean I was 14 when he was born. He is such a sweet kid and watching him grow into a man is simply amazing, he was my step-dads last boy and I know that he is going to be just like him a hard worker and love with all he has. I love going to his Football games and cheering him on, being there for him letting him know that I will always be there no matter what.
Bryson.......MY EVERYTHING, this kid has changed me and life wouldn't be the same without him God gave him to me for a reason and well I will always be thankful. He is amazing in every way possible and I love him to the moon and back. I can't wait to watch him take on this world and show them who is boss (he already is showing us who the boss is). Being a mom truly changes everything that you once knew and well that's not a bad thing at all!!!
I could go on and on but I won't you all get the point...I also have amazing friends and most of them I have never met. It's nice to have people there to just talk and vent on days where I feel like I am crazy (that's most days)...lol I love hard all those in my life that take a moment to see how I am doing or just to chat and thats what makes my life worth it....I may not have it all but I have all I need!!!
Stephanie
Monday, October 10, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Conquer and you shall defeat...
I have been defeated by my weight most of my life, it's always been that one goal that I have always tried to achieve or that New Year's Resolution that I knew would finally be the end to being over weight. Back in 2006 I lost 40-50lbs. became a new me, still not the me I wanted to be just a lighter me a confident me. Well I then fell in love and well we had a baby who I love more than anything in this world. There I was again fighting the battle of the bulge that I worked so hard to achieve but I wasn't mad I had carried a child within, created a freaking human being and I didn't hate myself for that I just didn't do much after that, my excuse I have a baby now, a full time job i had no time for all that healthy stuff.
Then March 2009, Bryson was diagnosed with ALL my world came to a screeching halt this couldn't be happening to me, things like this don't happen to people like me. All I had ever known about childhood cancer was St. Judes commercials and even then I would change the channel too depressing, so sad and there I was in the ER hearing the words CANCER the very thing that those kids had in those commercials...THIS HAS TO BE A BAD DREAM!!!
Reality didn't really set in for about a week or so, even though I was going through the motions it all seemed as though I was having an out of body experience. Watching Bryson getting treaments, getting poked, going for surgery and just seeing him down right not feeling, well was one of the worst things I as a parent or for that matter any parent can witness and not being able to do anything to make the pain stop or to take away this cancer and make him all better. He is a fighter, bravest person that I know and yet didn't understand what in the hell was going on which was the good part that he couldn't understand why he stayed in the hospital, takes all these meds and sees all the doctors that made me stronger because I knew that I had to handle all of what he didn't understand and be there to hold him, love on him and let him know that he was going to be alright, (even though in the back of my mind I was scared as hell). When I became pregnant everyone told me how much I would love my child and there is no greater love than that of your child. The fact that once he was in my arms I became his mother and for the rest of his life it was my duty to sheild him from pain...9 months into motherhood and here I was faced with something that never in my life I ever thought I would have to deal with, to say that it made me grow beyond my age is an understatment. From that moment on was; hospital stays, doctor visits, ICU scares, medicines and yet life still needed to be dealt with and bills needed to be paid. Life was still going on even though for me it felt it had stopped, didn't know what was going on in the "real world", all I knew that my baby boy needed to get better.....
I let myself go, didn't care what I looked like most days, ate whatever was around and easiest to get to. We walked Bryson in the halls so at least I had some excercise in my life but I didn't care about me and that was ok my main focus in the past 2 1/2 years has been Bryson. I am not going to sit here and blame all that has been going on to the weight gain because well could have chose to eat a salad instead of Mcdonalds but what I have learned in all this is that I am an emotional eater and well it needs to stop, my son is rocking his life right now being a crazy 3 year old and I am beyond thankful for it.
So having all this said, the point is that my son conquered having cancer and I was there in his journey watching this fight...If he can conquer cancer I sure in the hell can conquer this weight that has been holding me back, I want to be here and watch him accomplish much more in this life. Just because I am a mom doesn't mean I need to be over weight, this all starts with me so here goes nothing and everything..... :)
Then March 2009, Bryson was diagnosed with ALL my world came to a screeching halt this couldn't be happening to me, things like this don't happen to people like me. All I had ever known about childhood cancer was St. Judes commercials and even then I would change the channel too depressing, so sad and there I was in the ER hearing the words CANCER the very thing that those kids had in those commercials...THIS HAS TO BE A BAD DREAM!!!
Reality didn't really set in for about a week or so, even though I was going through the motions it all seemed as though I was having an out of body experience. Watching Bryson getting treaments, getting poked, going for surgery and just seeing him down right not feeling, well was one of the worst things I as a parent or for that matter any parent can witness and not being able to do anything to make the pain stop or to take away this cancer and make him all better. He is a fighter, bravest person that I know and yet didn't understand what in the hell was going on which was the good part that he couldn't understand why he stayed in the hospital, takes all these meds and sees all the doctors that made me stronger because I knew that I had to handle all of what he didn't understand and be there to hold him, love on him and let him know that he was going to be alright, (even though in the back of my mind I was scared as hell). When I became pregnant everyone told me how much I would love my child and there is no greater love than that of your child. The fact that once he was in my arms I became his mother and for the rest of his life it was my duty to sheild him from pain...9 months into motherhood and here I was faced with something that never in my life I ever thought I would have to deal with, to say that it made me grow beyond my age is an understatment. From that moment on was; hospital stays, doctor visits, ICU scares, medicines and yet life still needed to be dealt with and bills needed to be paid. Life was still going on even though for me it felt it had stopped, didn't know what was going on in the "real world", all I knew that my baby boy needed to get better.....
I let myself go, didn't care what I looked like most days, ate whatever was around and easiest to get to. We walked Bryson in the halls so at least I had some excercise in my life but I didn't care about me and that was ok my main focus in the past 2 1/2 years has been Bryson. I am not going to sit here and blame all that has been going on to the weight gain because well could have chose to eat a salad instead of Mcdonalds but what I have learned in all this is that I am an emotional eater and well it needs to stop, my son is rocking his life right now being a crazy 3 year old and I am beyond thankful for it.
So having all this said, the point is that my son conquered having cancer and I was there in his journey watching this fight...If he can conquer cancer I sure in the hell can conquer this weight that has been holding me back, I want to be here and watch him accomplish much more in this life. Just because I am a mom doesn't mean I need to be over weight, this all starts with me so here goes nothing and everything..... :)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
This thing called life...
I lost my instructions to how to handle life several years back and haven't found them yet, so yes I am winging it. I am a mom to a wonderful little boy, a girlfriend to a pretty awesome guy, a daughter to an amazing mom and a sister to my wonderful brother's and sister. I would say that those are the jobs that in this life I was suppose to ROCK but don't call me Betty Crocker because well I just ain't Susie Homemaker and you will be lucky to get clean clothes on a daily basis.
Was I born to be the crafty mom, uh NO!! I feel my most crafty when I am on Pinterest, that's as crafty as I can get at this point with a 3 year old that is crazy and all the other things on my list I just honestly don't have a creative bone in this body, although I will be attempting at some point some of these ideas (pray for me). I have tried a few recipes and so far SUCESS, I love it when I feel like I am a Paula Deen (without the overload on butter). One thing I love about Tim, is he doesn't care if dinner isn't cooked every night or if the house isn't super cleaned (sorry that's not me), he is not a demanding man and for that I am thankful. I don't beleive spending every waking hour cleaning to satisfy myself, I pick up and clean up when its needed there is more to life than cleaning.
Life how the hell am I doing?? Didn't realize that it would be this much work but I wouldn't change a thing I am right where I am suppose to be and I do believe that I was here to LOVE and take CARE of those who love me. It's not about what we recieve in life its about what we give in life!!! Hope you all are enjoying life the way it was meant to be lived!!
Steph :)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Little one
Every morning on the way in to take Bryson to daycare, I enjoy listening to my morning radio talk show it's what makes me feel like here is to another day and get that adult commentary and laughs. What could change this routine, this is something that I have always done....A 3 year old child that wants to listen to his CD for the past two days has changed this habit that I have been so used to and I wouldn't change the fact that I am dancing to the Itsy Bitsy spider, wheels on the bus, polly put your kettle on...I could go on. I get those looks of like what are you doing but its not any different than I would because I always dance and sing in the car thats just me and well what do you know Bryson does the same thing.
Its funny how the routines in your life change because seeing your child happy is what really matters the most, turning the music up at home and dancing is what he enjoys, me talking in an english accent makes him laugh. If these little things can bring pure happiness to him than I think I am doing the job that I was set out to do. Its not about the material things to him (at least yet), he would rather go and slide than play with all those toys in his room, that's fine with me he is at a age that is so pure and innocent he loves unconditional all those in his life and right now doesn't understand the cruelness of this world or what he has been through in his life thus far and I am thankful for that!!
At the end of the day if I can make him smile and or laugh I have been a successful parent...It's about the little things that really matter!!
Its funny how the routines in your life change because seeing your child happy is what really matters the most, turning the music up at home and dancing is what he enjoys, me talking in an english accent makes him laugh. If these little things can bring pure happiness to him than I think I am doing the job that I was set out to do. Its not about the material things to him (at least yet), he would rather go and slide than play with all those toys in his room, that's fine with me he is at a age that is so pure and innocent he loves unconditional all those in his life and right now doesn't understand the cruelness of this world or what he has been through in his life thus far and I am thankful for that!!
At the end of the day if I can make him smile and or laugh I have been a successful parent...It's about the little things that really matter!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
:) :) :)
"If you surround yourself with the good and righteous, they can only raise you up. If you surround yourself with the others, they will drag you down into the doldrums of mediocrity, and they will keep you there, but only as long as you permit it." --Mark Glamack
Oh how true this quote is, I never realized that I was down because others in my life were down. After seeing your child go through the unthinkable, thats when it all changed. Life was about living positive and I was done surrounding myself with those that on a daily basis always had something to complain about and I mean every minute of everyday.
In order to want better for yourself you have to choose who in life you really need and those that you don't need, (sounds rather mean) but I am just telling the truth. I don't even have my "real father" in my life because it was always a hassle to have to deal with someone that really didn't want to be there. I was caring for my sick child I sure in the hell didn't have time to be the peace maker and in the end it's not me thats hurting. The people that I have in my life are those that want to be there.
I promise I am not a female dog, there may be those that choose to differ but at the end of the day I go to bed with the peace of mind that I am happy and content where I am, I will delete you from Facebook if all I see is negativity spew from your mouth on a daily basis or its just ridiculously drama filled all the time. Don't get me wrong there have been days but not every status I have makes others roll their eyes and want to vomit (lol).
Life is just more than what you own or what you want, its about being happy with what life has blessed you with...Remember smile and make others wonder what's really going on in that head of yours!!
Chunking tha duece,
Meee
Oh how true this quote is, I never realized that I was down because others in my life were down. After seeing your child go through the unthinkable, thats when it all changed. Life was about living positive and I was done surrounding myself with those that on a daily basis always had something to complain about and I mean every minute of everyday.
In order to want better for yourself you have to choose who in life you really need and those that you don't need, (sounds rather mean) but I am just telling the truth. I don't even have my "real father" in my life because it was always a hassle to have to deal with someone that really didn't want to be there. I was caring for my sick child I sure in the hell didn't have time to be the peace maker and in the end it's not me thats hurting. The people that I have in my life are those that want to be there.
I promise I am not a female dog, there may be those that choose to differ but at the end of the day I go to bed with the peace of mind that I am happy and content where I am, I will delete you from Facebook if all I see is negativity spew from your mouth on a daily basis or its just ridiculously drama filled all the time. Don't get me wrong there have been days but not every status I have makes others roll their eyes and want to vomit (lol).
Life is just more than what you own or what you want, its about being happy with what life has blessed you with...Remember smile and make others wonder what's really going on in that head of yours!!
Chunking tha duece,
Meee
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